you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
