I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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