Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
organizing the empties. That sober.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
NoShamevember. You game?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
