Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
