If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
