There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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