yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
