the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't deserve a penis
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize