Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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