he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
