Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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