I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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