I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
