I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
