That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
