yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Enjoy the penises
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
