I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
