69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize