you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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