when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
