I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
