I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
