cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
