i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize