Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
