looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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