I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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