i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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