mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
