That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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