ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
