And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
