What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
