the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize