dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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