sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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