pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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