I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
