why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
