One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
