your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
