i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
