I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
