guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize