We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
