I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
