yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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