No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish you could order shots online.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
