He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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