Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Randomize
