He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
