She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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