we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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