After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
