did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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