she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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