We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
