so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize