So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
