So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize