I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
