Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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