I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize