I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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