i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
