I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
