i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
