i permit you to call me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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