why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize